Tackling Difficult Conversations as a Manager
Difficult conversations are an unavoidable aspect of people management, though one that many try to avoid, but they're also opportunities for growth and development. I’ve spoken to too many leaders and managers who avoid any type of difficult or challenging conversations, hoping, I think, that the problem or situation will somehow resolve itself. But, of course, what happens? The situation doesn’t just magically disappear or resolve itself. Instead, it usually gets worse, often until the situation reaches breaking point.
I know having these types of conversations isn’t easy. But it is much easier to have a conversation when the situation first comes up, rather than way down the line. And, fortunately, there are some simple strategies that you can adopt to help you tackle difficult and challenging conversations with confidence and empathy.
Here are some tips to help you tackle that difficult conversation you have been putting off:
Preparation
Know Your Purpose: Clearly define the purpose of the conversation. Understand what you want to achieve and keep this objective in mind throughout the discussion.
Gather Facts: Collect all relevant information and data to support your points. Avoid relying on hearsay or assumptions.
Anticipate Reactions: Consider how the other person might react and plan how you will respond to different scenarios.
Choose the Right Time and Place: Ensure the setting is private and free from distractions. Timing is also crucial; pick a moment when both parties can have an uninterrupted discussion.
During the Conversation
Stay Calm and Composed: Maintain a calm and composed demeanour. Your tone of voice and body language should reflect respect and professionalism.
Be Direct and Specific: Clearly state the issue at hand without beating around the bush. Use specific examples to illustrate your points.
Use "I" Statements: Frame your concerns using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I noticed that deadlines are being missed," instead of, "You are always late with your work."
Listen Actively: Give the other person a chance to speak and listen without interrupting. Show that you are interested in and value their perspective.
Empathize: Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and point of view. Show understanding and compassion.
Focus on Agreeing Solutions: Shift the conversation towards finding solutions. Collaborate to identify steps that can be taken to address the issue. Try to ensure that there is buy in and commitment to those solutions.
Stay Positive: Emphasize your belief in the person’s ability to improve and the benefits of resolving the issue.
After the Conversation
Document the Discussion: Keep a record of the key points discussed, agreements made, and any action plans.
Follow Up: Check in with the person regularly to see how they are progressing. Offer support and adjust plans if necessary.
Reflect and Learn: Reflect on what went well and what could be improved for future conversations. Seek feedback if appropriate.
Additional Tips
Stay Objective: Keep personal feelings out of the conversation. Focus on behaviour and outcomes, not personality.
Be Prepared to Hear Criticism: Be open to receiving feedback and criticism yourself. It can be an opportunity for mutual growth.
Practice Patience: Change takes time. Be patient and give the person space to adjust and improve.
Use a Mediator if Needed: For particularly challenging situations, consider involving a neutral third party or trained mediator to mediate the discussion.
By preparing thoroughly, maintaining a respectful, positive and constructive attitude, and following up afterwards, it is possibe to tackle challenging conversations more effectively, leading to better outcomes for all involved.
Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of leadership, and viewed slightly differently, they actually present opportunities for growth and learning, both for the individuals involved and for the organisation as a whole. Instead of thinking of them as difficult conversations, try to see them as opportunities to strengthen relationships, address issues proactively, and drive positive change.