How to tame your inner critic

If you’ve ever ended a long, demanding week feeling exhausted yet strangely unaccomplished, you’re not alone. Many senior and middle managers—particularly women—juggle relentless workloads, stakeholder pressures, and high expectations while dealing with an internal voice that constantly questions if they’re doing enough, or if they’re even good enough.

That inner critic? It’s loud, persistent, and, let’s be honest, pretty brutal at times.

“That was rubbish.”
“You should have handled that better.”
“You’re not good enough.”
“Everyone thinks you are a failure.”

Sound familiar? If so, it’s time to reclaim your confidence and quieten that voice.

The Inner Critic at Work: A Real Example

I recently coached a senior female leader - an expert in her field, appointed to a high-stakes, challenging role because she was the best person for the job. Despite her success, she came to me feeling stressed, exhausted, and on the edge of burnout. She was working long hours, sacrificing sleep, and still feeling like she wasn’t accomplishing enough.

She feared she was about to be ‘found out.’

But when we stepped back and looked at the reality, the facts told a very different story:
✅ She was hitting all her targets.
✅ Her manager, peers, and team were giving her positive feedback.
✅ She was delivering results at a high level.

Yet, when her manager told her, “Great job on that strategy,” she heard:
❌ “Why wasn’t this done six months ago?”
❌ “It’s not that good - it looks like you just lifted it from somewhere else.”

After a successful board presentation, her team and her manager praised her work, but inside, she told herself:
❌ “That was rubbish. I wasn’t prepared enough. They’re just being polite.”

Her inner critic had taken over, dismissing achievements and magnifying doubts. But here’s the thing: just because your inner voice tells you something doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s just a habit in your thinking patterns - and habits can be changed.

How to Stop Your Inner Critic from Running the Show

If any of this resonates with you, here are three practical steps to start reducing self-criticism and building self-trust.

Step 1: Increase awareness of your Inner Critic

Before you can change your inner dialogue, you need to recognise it. Pay attention to:
✅ What you say to yourself when you make a mistake, or when you have tried something new, or when something hasn’t gone the way you wanted it to. Sometimes, the inner critic is there even when things are going well.
✅ The specific phrases your inner critic uses.
✅ The tone - is it harsh, dismissive, critical?

Awareness alone can be powerful. Sometimes, just by noticing these thoughts we can stop ourselves from spiralling into a cycle of even more negative thought and self-criticism.

🚨 Don’t waste energy arguing with your inner critic. It’s not based on evidence or rational thinking. Engaging with it only gives it more power. Instead, start to create some distance from it.

Step 2: Turn down the volume on your Inner Critic

Your inner critic isn’t going to disappear overnight, but you can control how much space it takes up. Try these techniques:

✅ Pause & Breathe – When self-criticism kicks in, take three deep breaths. It sounds too simple to work, but concentrating on your breath interrupts negative thought loops and resets your mind.

✅ Give It a Name - This one sounds strange, but naming your inner critic (e.g., Nagging Nancy, Critical Chris) helps separate it from your identity. It’s just a voice, not the truth. And it might even be related to a voice in your past (a critical teacher or overbearing parent, for example) so naming it can help you to firstly acknowledge that, and then recognise how much you have grown and moved on from that earlier version of you.

✅ Make It Sound Ridiculous – Imagine your inner critic as a cartoon character or singing its criticisms to the tune of Jingle Bells. It’s pretty hard to take it seriously after that!

✅ Turn Down the Volume – Visualise a dial or volume slider and mentally lower the intensity of the critical voice.

✅ Disrupt It – When negativity kicks in, do something that shifts your emotional state. Play music, look at a favourite photo, re-read a positive message, or take a short walk. If you are feeling really stuck do a few quick jumping jacks or run up and down the stairs to change your physical state, that will help to start to shift your emotional state.

These small actions help interrupt the inner critic’s dominance and give you back control.

Step 3: Now when you feel a bit calmer and better about yourself, we are ready to do some deeper work, and start to replace criticism with constructive self-talk

Once you’ve turned down the volume, it’s time to change the message.

✅ What would a supportive friend or mentor say?
If a respected colleague or mentor were giving you feedback, how would they phrase it? What would be different?

✅ Ask yourself: Would I speak to a friend like this?
If not, reframe the thought in a way that’s constructive and kind, rather than destructive and cruel.

✅ Can I take useful feedback from this?
Your inner critic might occasionally have something useful to say—but it rarely delivers it in a helpful way. Instead of letting it tear you down, ask:
➡ “What can I learn from this?”
➡ “What small action can I take to improve?”

If there’s no useful lesson? Let it go. Visualise the thought floating away like a cloud - just another passing moment, not something to dwell on.

Why This Matters for Women in Leadership

Women in leadership often face higher expectations, greater scrutiny, and imposter syndrome, fueling self-doubt. But when you learn to manage your inner critic, you unlock greater confidence, resilience, and leadership impact.

By shifting how you speak to yourself, you:
✅ Lead with confidence instead of second-guessing yourself.
✅ Take bolder actions without fear of ‘not being good enough.’
✅ Model self-compassion which encourages your team to do the same.

This isn’t just about feeling better - it’s about leading better.

You Can Change the Narrative

The senior female leader I mentioned earlier? After working on her inner critic, she:
✅ Recognised her achievements instead of dismissing them.
✅ Worked fewer hours while still hitting her targets.
✅ Stopped waiting to be ‘found out’ and started owning her expertise.

The truth is, your inner critic is just a habit of thinking - and one that you can change.

Sometimes, breaking those habits can be easier with help. Coaching can help you reset the way you think, build confidence, and break free from the cycle of self-doubt. So, If this resonates with you, let’s talk.