6 strategies for managing your stress
What is stress?
Stress often has a negative connotation as something to be avoided because it makes us feel unwell and can lead to serious illness.
However, that isn’t quite right. A certain level of pressure or stress can motivate us to get on and do things. It can give us that little extra push when we need it. We’ll all have experienced times like that; maybe we have a deadline to meet, we’re doing something new for the first time, or we’re facing a difficult situation.
As shown in the diagram below, the Yerkes-Dodson Curve illustrates that, to a point, stress or pressure can increase performance.
But only up to a certain point.
When stress and pressure exceed our ability to cope, our performance starts to deteriorate. We’re too stressed and anxious to do our best.
When you are feeling bored or lethargic, the leftmost part of the curve will likely represent your performance levels. The right side of the curve indicates potential performance levels when you feel excessive pressure and anxiety. The same image can be used to depict the healthiness of one’s body with too little or too much stress.
For peak performance, you want to stay at the top of the curve.
Good and Bad Stress
A stressor is any event or situation that is perceived by an individual as a threat, causing us to either adapt or initiate the stress response (sometimes called the fight or flight response).
Dr. Hans Selye, one of the first to study the effects of stress, coined the term eustress to explain the positive, desirable stress that keeps life interesting and helps to motivate and inspire. Events like getting married, starting a new job, or having a baby can be happy, joyous, and stress-producing occasions. Eustress also involves successfully managing stress even if we are dealing with a negative stressor. On the Yerkes-Dodson Curve, eustress is represented on the curve where stress level and performance increase simultaneously. Eustress implies that a certain amount of stress is useful, beneficial and even good for our health.
Distress refers to the negative effects of stress that drain us of energy and surpass our capacities to cope. Very often when we are talking about stress, we are referring to distress. Notice on the Yerkes-Dodson Curve where stress continues to increase, yet performance begins to decline. This downward curve represents distress.
Stress and Us
What makes this even more difficult is that stress affects each of us differently. It would be simple if this optimal level was the same for everyone, but it's not. We are all different, our situations are all different and we therefore experience stress differently.
It’s important to remember that we all have our own unique way of responding to stress, and the shape of the stress curve varies from person to person.
The Body’s Response to Stress
When you perceive a threat, your nervous system responds by releasing a flood of stress hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones rouse the body for emergency action.
Your heart pounds faster, muscles tighten, blood pressure rises, breath quickens, and your senses become sharper. These physical changes increase your strength and stamina, speed your reaction time, and enhance your focus – preparing you to either fight or flee from the danger at hand.
Once the pressure or threat has passed, your stress hormone levels will usually return to normal.
Although this stress response is a normal, evolutionary reaction to a perceived threat, when it occurs frequently or is prolonged, intense or poorly managed, it can pose a risk to health.
The suppression of the immune system under chronic stress leads to the ‘general adaptation syndrome’ which results in a generalised risk of greater susceptibility to illness and disease. Depending on the individual in question, it may also contribute to a range of medical, psychological and behavioural disorders. When stressful situations are not resolved and persist for some time, the body is kept in a constant state of alertness and defensive action, increasing wear and tear on biological systems, resulting in damage and exhaustion and weakening of our immune system.
Symptoms of stress
Symptoms of stress often build up gradually before you start noticing them.
Stress can affect how you feel, how you think, how you behave and how your body works. It affects people in different ways but if you are stressed you may have some of the following symptoms:
Your feelings: you may feel irritable, anxious, low in self-esteem, have a low mood
Your thoughts: you may find that you have racing thoughts, worry constantly, imagine the worst, go over and over things
Your behaviour: you may notice you're having temper outbursts, drinking or smoking more, on the go all the time, talking more or faster, changing your eating habits, feeling unsociable, being forgetful or clumsy, being unreasonable, struggling to concentrate, poor performance at work
Your body: you may be suffering from headaches, muscle tension and pain, stomach problems, sweating, feeling dizzy, bowel or bladder problems, breathlessness, dry mouth
Take a pause now and consider your own situation. We’ve had such a challenging last 18 months that it would be remarkable if you weren’t feeling stressed in some way. Think though the following:
Remember, we are all different and what happens with you may be different than with others. That’s okay.
What’s important is paying attention to what it is trying to tell you and doing something about it.
Managing Stress
Think about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Are your coping strategies healthy or unhealthy, helpful or unproductive? Unfortunately, many of us cope with stress in ways that compound the problem.
Unhealthy ways of coping with stress
These coping strategies may temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in the long run:
Smoking
Drinking too much
Overeating or under eating
Zoning out for hours in front of the TV, on a laptop, or your phone
Withdrawing from friends, family, and activities
Sleeping too much
Procrastinating
Filling up every minute of the day to avoid facing problems
Taking out your stress on others (lashing out, angry outbursts, physical violence)
We all do it, so what do you do?
What coping strategies do you use that might temporarily make you feel better, but doesn’t really help in the long run?
Learning healthier ways to manage stress
If your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater emotional and physical health, it’s time to find healthier ones. There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress. Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no “one size fits all” solution to managing it. No single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.
Stress management strategy number 1: Avoid unnecessary stress
Not all stress can be avoided, and it’s not healthy to avoid a situation that needs to be addressed. You may be surprised, however, by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.
Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept added responsibilities when you’re close to reaching them. Taking on more than you can handle is a sure-fire recipe for stress.
Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you can’t turn the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.
Take control of your environment – If the news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic’s got you tense, take a longer but less-travelled route. If going shopping is stressful, do your shopping online.
Avoid hot-button topics – If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.
Pare down your to-do list – Analyse your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
Stress management strategy number 2: Alter the situation
If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you can do to change things so the problem doesn’t present itself in the future. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.
Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build, and the situation will likely remain the same.
Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behaviour, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.
Be more assertive. Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got a deadline and your chatty colleague calls in, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.
Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin, trying to do too much and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. Plan ahead, and make an effort to catch yourself you are taking on too much.
Stress management strategy number 3: Adapt to the stressor
If you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.
Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, and practice some mindful breathing.
Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”
Focus on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective. Set up a regular nightly routine of focusing on 3 things you are grateful for that day: I promise you it will change your mindset.
Stress management strategy number 4: Accept the things you can’t change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, the pandemic, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.
Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
Look for the upside. When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or organise counselling. Even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation, you will feel better by talking through and processing your feelings .
Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on. Especially when it’s yourself you need to forgive.
Stress management strategy number 5: Make time for fun and relaxation
For so many of us, these are the things that we just don’t prioritise. Especially when things get busy, or we are feeling under pressure. But if you regularly make time for fun, relaxation and self-care, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.
Healthy ways to relax and recharge
Go for a walk.
Spend time in nature.
Call a good friend.
Sweat out tension with a good workout.
Write in your journal.
Take a long bath.
Light scented candles.
Enjoy a warm cup of coffee or tea.
Play with a pet.
Work in your garden.
Get a massage.
Curl up with a good book.
Listen to music.
Watch a comedy.
Etc., etc.
Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
Keep your sense of humour. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.
Stress management strategy number 6: Adopt a healthy lifestyle
You can increase your resistance to stress by strengthening your physical health. That doesn’t mean becoming as fit as an athlete and watching every morsel of food that goes into your body. But what it does mean, is prioritising and building good habits, focusing on what I look at as the foundations of our wellbeing and resilience.
Exercise regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week, daily if you can manage it. And it doesn’t have to be too extreme. Nothing beats a good walk in the fresh air for releasing pent-up stress and tension.
Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
Reduce caffeine, sugar and alcohol. The temporary "highs" they provide often end with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, alcohol, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed, and you’ll sleep better.
Avoid self-medicating with alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. It might provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally. Turn off the TV, get off your phone and prioritise a good night’s sleep instead. You’ll feel much better for it the next day.
What’s My First Step?
Hopefully, as you have been reading this you will have reflected on your own coping techniques, what works for you and what could be improved.
Don’t get too overwhelmed by all the things that you think you should improve or do better. That will only make things worse. And remember not to focus on the things that are out of your control. Focus instead on the one specific small action that you could take today to improve your stress levels and personal resilience. Once you have got this in place, and are feeling the benefits of it, then you are ready to move on to another small action.
If you are reading this and think that you would benefit from support, please do something about it, right now. Things don’t tend to just improve on their own.
For more online support, try these resources, https://www.mindingyourhead.info/ If you are in work, you may have support through a workplace scheme; if so, find out what is available and see if it can help you. Or if things are feeling really difficult, get in touch with your GP.
If you want help through coaching, get in touch. Making changes is difficult and it’s amazing the difference it can make to have a coach in your corner, working with you to help identify those small steps, and support you along the way. I specialise in working with women in stressful and busy jobs, helping them to learn and develop new habits, so that they can thrive, personally and professionally. Email and organise a chat to see how coaching could help you to thrive.